Monarchy Under a Complete Jerk
by c00kies nd creme
Summary: The best looking guys seem to have the worst personalities...
1. My Dear Blown Up Bunny

Disclaimer: you know the drill. If you intend on sueing me anyways, a before hand warning: all I have left after my friends visited my house is an empty potato chip bag and half an orange.

Monarchy Under a Complete Jerk

Chapter 1: My Dear Blown Up Bunny

Yes, life is good. Absolutely nothing can compare to a freezing cold double chocolate fudge cappuccino on a day off from school. With my fingers clutching the orange and yellow striped straw in a death grip, I stirred the mush in my perspiring cup. I crushed some more of the ice chunks before taking a sip. Being that I was stationed next to an open window and that it was an exceptionally breezy day today, some of my loose hair kept flying into my face and my hand went up to brush it away every few seconds. In the split second I was wrestling with my golden mane and not paying attention to my snack, it was swept off the table.

"Double chocolate fudge? This stuff will make you fatter than a blown up bunny if you don't watch how much you drink."

I automatically know who that masculine voice belonged to but I've come up with a theory lately, after argueing with him so much, that it's just easier to ignore him. I just brush past and make my way to the counter. In case you were wondering, _he_ is Darien. I live in his apartment complex and since he controls the entire building and the residents, I have to listen to his every order and wish. When something doesn't go as planned, there would bound to be another family hiring a moving truck out. So this is my life. Complete monarchy.

I call for Andrew, and order with him, another double chocolate fudge cappuccino. As Darien looks annoyed at the cup of mush I left in his hands, I look off in the other direction, pretending that the newly tinted windows were more interesting than the rest of the world around me.

"How much of that crap are you going to drink anyways? Aren't you afraid that you'll become 500 pounds like those people on TV and then be unable to find a husband?"

My head flicks back around to smile at Darien.

"That's what athlete's metabolism is for."

His eyes widen, "So you can eat all the junk food you want to and pig out every day and not gain weight?"

"Well what do you think? Don't you see my eating habits often?" I smile wider at my touch of sarcasm. With him being the genius, it wasn't often that I get to lead the arguement.

"Athlete's metabolism huh? I'm guessing that the athlete part is all the running you do to school in the morning since you wake up late everyday," Darien replies smoothly.

I hesitated for a moment, my mind blank as of what to retort with. Finally, "W-well gee, I don't see _you_ working out. You probably don't have any sort of muscles. You just sit around and read some stupid physics book all day long."

"Well, for the physics part, it's not a subject most people can take. You have to be good at math so I'm sure you'll never get the pleasure to take that subject. And about the muscle part..." Darien set down the cup onto the counter and slowly unbuttons his shirt 4 buttons from the bottom. My eyes widened and I blushed profusely as the six-pack came into view. Even with my pride, I had to admit...that was a nice stomach. But it's not like I was going to admit that. I stuck out my tongue and poked Darien's stomach. Hard as a rock.

"Stop showing that to me! It makes you look like some prostitute or something...people are starting to stare at you Darien...put your shirt down!" I hissed.

Darien grinned a devilish grin and said (rather loudly I might add), "Well gee Meatball head, I didn't know you get jealous when other pretty ladies look at my well formed abs."

"You wish there were ladies staring at you. Stop flattering yourself; I can see your head swelling up."

And with that one last sentence, I shoot off of my seat and stalk out of the arcade. As soon I push out of the doors however, I suddenly realize I left my cappuccino in the arcade. Both of them. Oh well, no matter, Darien can just pay _and _drink both. It's not like I care if he becomes a blown up bunny.

...yea ok...the first chapter is kind of stupid...but it gets better...I think


	2. Expect the Unexpected

Disclaimer: Seriously. If Sailor Moon was mine, Mamoru Chiba would be kissing my feet.  
  
**Monarchy under a Complete Jerk **

**Chapter 2: Expect the Unexpected**  
  
That was the first time I've done that to him. Darien I mean. I've never been so careless with what I say or do with him. Never. Ever. See, there's this thing with me and guys. I don't touch them, they stay away from me. Unfortunately, Darien seems to be an exception to this case. Okay, so he has the greatest build and whatever. But he just can't stop bothering me. He is just about the only person I could ever dislike in the world. And I don't just dislike him; I'm scared of him too. You see, this goes all the way back to the time when we were children. We lived in the same apartment complex back then, and even thought I don't want to admit it, I used to think he was really cute. He was always the nicest to me and he would share everything with me. There wasn't a person in the world that I could've been happier with as my best friend. But then everything changed when his parents passed away in that car crash. It was raining and they were driving through a mountain road when some lunatic sped by and knocked them off the side, and the car skidded and flew right off the cliff. It was a miracle he survived. I was so relieved that day he came back. I was walking up the stairs to his apartment and I saw him at his door. I yelled his name with happy tears in my eyes and rushed to him to give him a hug but he only sprung out his arm and hit me across my chest. Hard. I fell back down the stairs and landed on my head. And ever since then, he has been pretty cold. I'm guessing he was in a good mood today because he wasn't exactly too mean to me.

Still deep in my thoughts, I hurried along the street and eventually crashed into something. Embarrassed, I thought it was another wall or pole or some other permanently stable object but when I was about to walk away, a masculine voice said, "For Christ's sake meatball head, can you not hit me or hurt me in any way just for one day?" Yes, I recognized that voice. And then, my nose picked up a scent. A rather nice smelling scent might I add. But it was familiar all the same. It was the Darien smell. I don't know how I came to know how he smelled but I do. And boy does he smell good.

"Are you listening to me? Or are you still daydreaming about my wonderful stomach muscles?" he said mocking me.

Surprised at his very last comment, I recovered my posture quickly and said, "Gee, I'm sorry Mr. Chiba. But where is your fan club of ladies? I don't see them admiring your nice stomach—" and in that instant, my hands clamped against my mouth.

Darien stared at me, shocked for a moment before he chuckled, somewhat evilly I might say. Soon, that chuckle became a loud laugh, and before you knew it, the almighty Darien Chiba, owner of the apartment complex, was on the pavement, clutching his stomach and trying to breathe between guffaws. Soon, he was clutching onto my leg, trying to say something, but never getting anywhere past the first syllable. I tried walking off of this embarrassing scene, but he just hung on tighter, still laughing. I dragged him all the way back to the arcade to find Andrew.

Darien eventually didn't have enough energy to hold onto my leg any longer so I just left him in a heap in the middle of the arcade floor. Being the understanding person he is Andrew automatically presented me with a glass of water, which I (gladly) poured over Darien's face. He sputtered a bit, and then just continued on laughing. People were starting to shoot me weird looks now, and one daring and o-so-charming young man decided that this was the time to tell me to put the "crazy man on the floor" into an insane asylum. Was he _still_ laughing at me? It wasn't _that_ funny.

I massaged my throbbing temples with my fingers and sighed. What to do...what to do...

At this point, Andrew decided to clear his throat and ask me what the hell happened to his best friend. I smacked my forehead and growled in frustration.

"Get this guy some help, Andrew! He is, after all,_ your_ best friend," I shot a pleading look into his green eyes and then turned on my heel and quickly walked out of the building.

!!!

My feet quickly carried me home, and soon, I was in the comforts of my wonderful room. I sighed again. So I think his abs are nice. So what? It's nothing to laugh about. Especially like that. It was such a disgrace. That was the one time I was ever so embarrassed to be around him. Yes, he was immature at times, but he would always be able to keep up his posture when it really mattered. Like when we were inside the most popular hangout place in the whole neighborhood. I stared at my white desk. My head dropped onto the wood. Thunk. Thunk, thunk, thunk. I wonder if anybody came for him with a strait jacket yet.

Suddenly, my phone rang annoyingly in my pocket. I groaned and pulled out the device, flipping it open. "You have 1 text message" it said. Curious, I pressed the confirm button and stared at the unfamiliar number. Who sent me this thing....?

"You know you think I'm sexy Serena. Why don't you just admit it?"

My cheeks warmed against my wishes as I suddenly realized exactly who sent me this msg and exactly what he was talking about. I stored the number (for future prank calling I guess) and shut off my phone.

Yes, sexy, sexy Darien. Ha! Maybe in his next lifetime.

---

Yes! Chapter 2 finished. It's still pretty short—sorry about that—but for a Stuyvesant student; I really can't accomplish much during my procrastination hours (which totals up to about an hour and a half per night).  
  
**Reviews, please!**


	3. Enslaved

Disclaimer: One word. "Takeuchi." Enough said ain't it?  
  
**Monarchy under a Complete Jerk  
**  
**Chapter 3: Enslaved**  
  
It was horrible. I thought she was going to die. Who? Keiko of course. She's a cousin visiting from Taiwan and already, she was a really big hit with the guys. She, being so much prettier than me, started having one night stands here where I lived, and the worst thing was, my parents went on a business vacation because Keiko was supposed to be _mature_ enough and _old_ enough to take care of me. She was 27 and a half to be exact. But she was still a hell of a slut and there were still billions of parties everyday for these strangers to come 'get it going on' behind random house plants and under tables. Oh, right. About the dieing part.

Well, it started out innocent. Keiko drank a bit of spiked punch, insisted she wasn't drunk, was brought to a hotel by a guy, and had a bit too much fun there. And now, she's running a fever, threw up twice, and her period's late. So much for being mature.

Well, being the pissy b-tch she is, she called me over to her bed 4:30 in the morning just to tell me to run to the 24-hour deli 18 blocks away. To get what? A pregnancy test of course. And so being the air headed idiot I was, I actually went. In my pj's. So I'm running down the street with smiley face guy boxers on and a yellow tank top with this childish Barbie face in the front and an ugly brown scarf, all the way to the stupid deli a mile away. And to top it all off, it was freezing. Jesus Christ. By the way my hair stood up on my skin and how numb my nose and fingers were by the time I made it to the store, I'm guessing it was around 50 degrees or so. Okay, so I'm finally at the stupid deli. Paranoia kept haunting me as images of hot guys from my school discovering me here, my best friends finding me looking through pregnancy tests, and just basically the shame of having to even bring one of those 'yes-or-no' boxes up to the counter popping into my head. I glance at my digital watch. 4:48. Okay...nobody is going to be here. So all I have to do it somehow disguise myself so I can actually show my face here again, grab the pregnancy test, pay, and split.

After snatching the repulsive thing off of one of the shelves, I rush over to the counter, my hair all loose and weird in a last minute hairstyle to keep my identity unknown. Surprisingly, there are quite a few morning shoppers that have this bottomless pit in their shopping cart and moving just ever so slowly. I begin to feel the urge to pee and I jump up and down mentally chanting "Hurry up! Hurry up! Hurry up!"

When I look at my watch again, the digits read 5:01. I curse silently and then scream silently at the fat lady in the ugly pink and green dress blocking the isle, checking out her many cans of beans. The cashier (thankfully female) finally hands her the receipt, but she just continues standing there, still blocking the isle with her oversized behind, scrutinizing every little letter on the piece of paper in her hand. She finally turns to leave and my mind lets out a silent "Hooray!" but then at the last minute, the lady decides to turn back to the cashier and tell her there was a mistake in pricing her beans.

"I can help you here young lady!" called a voice from a just opening cashier line.

I turn my head ever so slightly and fumed more at my cursed luck as I walk over to the new male cashier. I hide my face behind the itchy scarf, breathing in the musty smells as the guy looks strangely at my box and then at me. Then he pastes on a new, fake smile and rings up the price. I just threw some money into his hands and tell him to keep the change. But before he could utter half a 'thank you', I was already out the door and half way down the block.

Unfortunately (I curse my luck), I don't really pay attention to where I'm sprinting, due to my lack of sleep. And before you know it, I run into something surprisingly hard but warm and lose my balance. My arms reach up automatically to cradle my head and protect it from the impact of the fall, but I never make it to the ground. I was pulled up and into a standing position by two strong arms. 'My savior' runs through my head as I try to recollect myself. I bow deep, an old Japanese tradition, and thanked the god that caught me. But as soon as I look back up again, I jump up in horror. Darien Chiba. The last man I want to see and want to be seen by right now. But strangely, he wasn't paying attention to me or mocking me and my smiley face boxers or anything. He just keeps staring at the object in his hands, frowning all the while. My gaze travels down his ugly green jacket to his object of amusement, and I nearly die from embarrassment. He was holding the box containing the pregnancy test, reading the back.

"Meatball head—no, Serena...do you think you're pregnant?"

I backed away slightly at the accusing tone.

"O-of course n-not. That's for my cousin. Keiko. She asked me to get it for her," I said crossing my arms.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Darien says, wagging a finger, "The Tsukino whore family. Oh, we all know what I like to do with whores."

I felt my face pale and my whole body go numb as he said that.

"W-what?" I stammer nervously, "Are you planning to kick us out?"

Darien didn't answer but only smiled that cocky smile at me. After a minute or so (a mighty long and agonizing minute might I add), Darien opens his mouth, "Nahh, I found something else more fun."

"Y-yes?"

"Well, all you have to do is become my slave. You know, do it with me on a weekly basis," he says all too casually.  
Nothing comes out of my mouth and I just stand there like a fish opening and closing it pointlessly.  
In a quick movement, I was pulled into the corner of a dead end street and pressed against the chain link fence.

"Well, let's see what you've got," Darien whispers.

His hands move up and cup a breast, squeezing and rubbing it a few times. My breath became shallow and quick, but as soon as I felt like I wanted more, he moved an arms-length away.

"Not bad Serena, not bad at all."

I still wasn't able to grasp the concept of words and just stare blankly at him, the excitement in my body reducing to nothing.

"Come by my apartment room tomorrow, 5 P.M. sharp. It's the very top floor. You can't miss it; there's only one door there," he smiles that cocky smile again, "By the way Serena, wear something hot. Don't come with to my place with those boxers and that tank top. Barbie is definitely _not_ your style."

---

Owarimashita minna-san! Chapter 3…yes finally.


	4. Rebellion and Onions

Disclaimer: Okay...Moonangel1, you were totally right. Unfortunately, I have the memory span of a goldfish (approximately 2 seconds long) and I can't seem to remember anything these days. Yes, I should've given credit to "Hot Gimmick", just about the best manga there is out there and its author Miki Aihara for the wonderful plot I just kind of took a spoonful of. Very sorry to those who are incredibly mad at me for that. And can't forget...Sailor Moon isn't mine (not that I mind...I only care about the Darien part that's not mine =P)  
  
Sorry to the few people who actually read this thing...it's only my first fan fiction...and with finals week coming up in Stuyvesant, it's not easy to find time to sit down and write.  
  
Oh...and thanks for the constructive criticism from Galaxystar and madam hawke (yes, I suck...I know -.- ;;;;;)  
  
**Monarchy under a Complete Jerk **

**Chapter 4: Rebellion**  
  
It's a day off today. A day off from school, from homework, from getting up, from just about everything. Except Darien that is. But it's not like I was actually going to go to his place like he told me yesterday. I still had a whole lot of showering to do.  
I turned over on my bed and buried my face into the pillow. My whole body felt sticky today, even after the billion and a half hours I spent last night scrubbing my body clean of that disgusting feeling of Darien's fingers on me. My eyes still felt droopy and even without a mirror I could tell that my hair was probably horrendous. Then out of the blue, in the midst of my groaning, a muffled tune began to play on my left. It automatically registered in my brain as my cell phone and I scrambled up to retrieve it from the mess of blankets. Unfortunately, by the time I found the little device, the person had already called three times and left two messages.  
Much to my dismay, the number registered as anonymous so either the digits were screened purposely or the number was from a pay phone or a home phone or something. I figured it was probably some person with the wrong number so I just shut off the device and went back to sleep. I didn't even bother wondering why it was on in the first place.  
When I woke up again, I felt cranky and all my joints felt stiff. The little alarm clock next to my bed glared 12:18 at me as I tried to pick myself off the bed. Well, being the klutz I was, I lost the hopeless battle with my blanket and eventually fell to the ground, face first. But as soon as my legs kicked the annoying things away, something decided to fly into my face and cover my right eye. I slapped it away with one hand while using the other to hold myself up into a sitting position before I really took a good look at what poor creature I had been abusing. I don't really remember much of what came next but there was a glass-cracking scream followed by my body springing up and back onto the bed.  
Then about 5 seconds later, my whole family (Sammy and Keiko at the moment since Sammy decided to live with us for two days instead of at grandma's house) was at my bedroom door, all clad in metal pans and spatulas (with various embarrassing pj's underneath that), ready to kill whatever it was that probably, in their weird twisted imaginations, climbed through one of my four 2'x2' windows. I was distracted for a moment before I silently pointed to the black and green guts lieing in my carpet.  
  
Okay...so it was a spider. They didn't all have to get so pissed off at me about it. It's not like they were sleeping or anything. After all, it was already 12:18. Or it was the last time I checked.  
I poured the last of the pink substance onto my hands and washed my stomach furiously. I uncapped another bottle of body wash and then scrubbed my face where the spider was crushed. So the bug wasn't so big...but it still got all over the place. My poor white carpet now probably has a big, black stain somewhere in the middle to forever remind me of the accident I had this morning. I sighed as I finished my half-hour shower and dressed in a random t-shirt and shorts and walked out of the bathroom door, hair still soaking wet.  
I planned to stay home the whole day today, watching T.V and pigging out. Going to the arcade was originally part of my plan too, but seeing as how Darien might storm over there to find me and drag me back to his place after realizing I wasn't going to show up to his orignal meeting of 5 P.M. or whenever it was, I wasn't going to take my chances. It's safer at home with Keiko and my idiotic brother.  
A few hours later, I was buried in my black leather sofa, facing the television chewing on some poptarts while trying to find my snapple apple drink under the mounds of garbage and unopened edibles. It was only around 3:30 or so and much to my dismay, my regular cartoons were already getting pretty boring. I also discovered, after much trial and error, that the number '67' for cartoon network, was the hardest channel to get to on account of me being too lazy to use my fingers and instead employing my toes to do the job. And the other thing that made my life utterly miserable at this point. I wasn't multitaskular, so it was impossible to watch T.V and eat at the same time. I'd either forget about the food or forget about the show. It was getting so sad that at one point, my brother Sammy walked into the room and had a good laugh of about ten minutes, rolling around on the floor with tears streaming down his face. After that, he just got up, called me a fruitloop and left. What a moron.  
Anyways, some time around dinner, the home phone rings and Keiko picks it up. She cheers an all too happy greeting to the person on the other line and after a few seconds, eyes me suspiciously. After that, it just all came down to nods and a couple of 'uh-huh's. By the time she hangs up, most of the food on the table is gone. The only ones left were the few dishes that just happened to have onion or garlic cooked into them. It wasn't a rare thing to see those plates highly unpopular in my house. Even Sammy didn't try them. We always ended up throwing them out a few days later.  
Just as I'm about to leave the room, Keiko yells at me to answer the phone. I sprint upstairs to my room and plop onto my bed before putting the phone to my ear. It was 7:45 I noted.  
"SERENA WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!" shouted the masculine voice on the other end of the line. "I'VE BEEN SITTING OUTSIDE MY DOOR FOR THE PAST FOUR HOURS!"  
Who was this screaming at me over the phone anyways? I don't recognize his voice. After letting my poor overused brain clink for another few seconds or so, I decided to ask.  
"Um...right...who is this again?"  
"Serena..." he said calmly, "You dumb blonde. This is DARIEN you dolt! I told you to come over at five! Why the HELL are you STILL HOME?!"  
"Why is your voice so weird?"  
"That's because I caught a FREAKIN' COLD waiting for YOU! I told you—"  
"Okay already, I'll be right there," I said hanging up the phone.  
Hurriedly, I filled a container with soup (the one that nobody drank because of the onions) and grabbed a jacket and a scarf before shooting out the door. I ran the few flights of stairs up before shoving the stair door open. What I saw I did not expect. Darien was sitting next to the elevator, with his thin green jacket wrapped around his muscular body, trying to keep himself warm. It was the top floor in the apartment and the temperature up here was well below that of the first floor. If I approximated, it would probably be 50 degrees or so. Which leads us to the question: Why was Darien sitting out here for four hours? I quickly walked over to his huddled form and took off my scarf to wrap around his neck and nose. When he didn't look up, I kneeled next to him on the floor and shook him a little.  
"Serena...I'm cold," he said in a raspy voice.  
Without a word, I pulled him off the ground and led him to his door, turning the knob and pushing open the unlocked door. I led him to the closest table in sight (in this case the living room table) and sat him down on the sofa. My hands pried open the lid on the container and handed him the soup along with the plastic spoon I brought along. He just stared at me blankly for a few seconds, those dark blue eyes suddenly really pale.  
"Feed me," he says.  
Once these two words came out of his mouth, I automatically felt my cheeks warm. My arms crossed and I tossed my hair, pointing my nose into the air.  
"No, it's not like you own me or something. I don't have to do what you say."  
"Is that it? You think I don't own you? Aren't you forgetting something?"  
Suddenly, images from yesterday morning in the dead end street flashed in my head. Then suddenly, something clicked in my head.  
"Darien, I almost forgot to tell you that Keiko's pregnancy thing was a false alarm. She's not—"  
"I can still tell about her nightly flings with random guys and about your parties to your parents."  
"But those parties weren't my idea either. Keiko said that nobody would—"  
"Too bad. I can just blame it all on you and tell your parents you bother me with the racket. Or I can just threaten to kick you all out."  
"But I didn't do anything! Why do you _have_ to insist on me feeding you and being your stupid little maid?! Why can't you just let me do what I want to?! You hate me and I hate you so what is the point of having to put up with me and having me run around your rooms doing your chores?! I bet Mr. Perfect is immaculate ANYWAYS!"  
"Because, meatball brains, I SAID SO! And if you don't like it, then you complain to the apartment manager—oh, WAIT! That's ME!"  
I felt my blood boil and my nails dig into my palms. Why does he have to be so mean to me all the time? My vision blurred and I turned away from him just as warm, salty tears ran down my cheeks. I wiped away the tears with furious swipes of my arm.  
"Se-serena..."  
"What do you want," I said bitterly.  
"Are-are you..."  
"I never want to see you again! And you can feed your own pathetic self!" I screamed before stalking out and slamming the door behind me.  
As I stomped down the staircase, I mentally began hexing Darien and his soup. I hope he burns his tongue on that soup. No, I hope it spills on him and burns his legs or something. No, better yet—I hope he hates onions!  
Finally satisfied with that conclusion, I headed back home towards my apartment.  
  
---  
  
Gomenasaii minna-san! bows deep its short nd its not all that good in my opinion... All I have to do now is get more armor and maybe a tape that will play the sound of people clapping and whistling instead of the real life booing and throwing of rotten tomatoes. sweatdrop


	5. Confusion

Disclaimer: Do I have to do this for every chapter? Oh, and for all the people that asked, yes, I did borrow a bit of Hot Gimmick but I try not to take too much...--;;; some of the plot is Miki Aihara's =]

Sorry for all the fans out there...see I thought this story was pretty dead and nobody actually read it too much so I just kind of gave up...but well...I have nothing to do and I suddenly discovered [much to my surprise] that people do put me on as their favorite and so...well...I have been inspired to continue! dodges rotten tomatoes

**Monarchy under a Complete Jerk**

**Chapter 4: Up the Wall**

The next day, I decided to risk a visit to the arcade, even with the possibilities of meeting Darien there. That Sailor V game is just too good to give up.

I pushed open the doors to the Crown and smiled silently at the jingling bell. There weren't a lot of people here which means no line for the video games. Two quarters and four hours later, I was sitting in front of Andrew sipping a smoothie. Somebody sat down next to me sometime ago, but smoothies are much too important that person so I didn't even bother to see who it was.

"Andrew! Get me a double chocolate fudge cappuccino."

Hey, at least somebody has the same good tastes as me.

Andrew came over a few minutes after and sat in front of the two of us. He was quiet for a while and when I looked up at him, he was looking between me and the other guy kind of funny.

"It's not nice to stare Andrew," I said giggling at his concentrated expression. He looked almost as if he was trying to solve a really hard problem except at the same time, he also looked constipated.

"Well...it's not that I like to stare...but isn't it unusual for you and Darien of all people to be sitting so closely and not biting each others necks off?"

Confused, my head snapped around to finally take a good look at the person besides me.

"Oh my gosh! I got here first! Go find yourself another seat to occupy," I said with a shooing motion in my hand.

"Why should I sit elsewhere when _you_ are _my_ slave? I wouldn't want anybody else to take you home and cook onions for them now would I?"

"I'm not your slave! You just assumed that. You didn't even buy me or win me or anything. You just decided to blackmail me one day because I went over to the deli at an ungodly hour in the morning."

Andrew suddenly piped up, "Uh...guys? What are we talking about again? I don't seem to be following."

"Oh, didn't you know? Darien likes to hold little girls in his house because he thinks it's fun having somebody run around and clean his spotless surrounding just because he hates them!"

Andrew looked at me, confused for another few seconds before reaching into his pocket and pulling out another quarter. "Here Serena...go have some fun while I yell at Darien here."

Grateful, I stuck out my tongue at the black haired figure before taking the quarter and skipping to the Sailor V game.

-Darien's POV-

I looked at the brotherly figure in front of me. "Why the hell are you so nice to her anyways? She bugs me to no ends."

"You mean she drives you nuts?"

"Yes I mean she drives me nuts. I just want to hold onto her little neck and squeeze the life out of her."

"Wow...you want to squeeze the life out of Serena? Don't you think she's...you know, a bit cute in any way?"

"You're crazy Andrew! Totally insane. She's totally not--"

I chose this instant to turn around to look at Serena, and found I couldn't go on with the sentence. She was pretty okay looking I guess...it's nothing much. Just that I think all guys are attracted to long shiny hair. And I have to admit...she has nice hair. She's still a dumb blonde though.

After about a few more moments lost in my own thoughts, my Andrew decided to speak up and scold me about being nicer to Serena and how she isn't as bad as I always say she is. Five minutes and a cappuccino later, I tell him to shut up.

Then he just blew his top. It's not like him to defend somebody so much and it's not everyday I tell him to shut up. It's like he's on medications or something. Even after that laughing incident, I decided that Andrew seriously should win that strait jacket. His hands began to grab random things, craving to do something useful. Finally, he picked up a glass and started rubbing it clean with his cloth, holding it so tightly I thought it was going to crack from the pressure.

"Andrew put that down before that thing shatters and kills my devilish good looks with the millions of shards of glass it's going to shoot out."

He glares, and stops mid-sentence and slams the glass down.

"Look Darien. Just because you think Serena is annoying and stupid and ugly, doesn't mean the rest of the world does. I know about 4 people who are crushing on her right now. If you can't take advantage of your situation with her and treat her nicely, then I'm not letting you have her! I and her girls will personally go to your apartment to find you and kick your sorry ass!"

"Jesus Christ, Andrew! Just shut up! There is nothing that will make Serena regard me as a person she doesn't hate. NOTHING."

"And that would be your fault."

I sighed, "Fine. That would be my fault. Happy?"

"Not yet. I want you to go over there and be nice to her and maybe give her a hug or something. And don't do anything stupid like mess up her game. You know she'd really hate you for that."

"No way, I'm not doing that!"

Andrew glared at me, "You know...I still have that picture of you in that barney pajamas from last year when you got drunk..."

"Well I can tell Serena about Rita and your secret relationship."

Andrew chuckled, "Do you really think that she will believe you?"

I sighed, "Fine, fine, whatever."

At Andrew's smile, I knew I had just promised to do something that will end badly. I stood up slowly and paced to just behind Serena. And as soon as that 'Game Over' sign flashed across the screen, I pulled her in from the shoulders and held her against me. She was warmer and softer than I'd expected but then again, she's a girl. My face buried itself into her golden hair without a second thought and I smelled her shampoo and lotion. After a few dazed seconds, I finally stood upright again and dropped my arms to my sides. I'd never admit it of course, but I actually liked that.

I saw her face when she turned around. It was all flushed and everything. I felt my face burning too.

"Darien what the hell did you do that for?! You said I'm a slave but there was nothing about sex toy!"

This woman over exaggerates!

"I didn't use you as a sex toy! All I did was give you a hug. Is there something terribly wrong with that?"

She looked at me for a few seconds, confusion still running through those clear blue eyes.

Agitated, I ran my hand through my hair, "Okay, fine. If you don't want me to hug you then I won't. But just for your information, Andrew made me do it, and I didn't enjoy myself one bit."

"W-well...then don't listen to Andrew next time!"

Her face was a few shades closer to red now, but for some reason, it didn't seem to be just because she was blushing. She was biting her lip and her hands were shaking.

Somewhere back at the counter, I saw Andrew through the corner of my eye, arms crossed, glaring at me. I suddenly felt extremely nervous and backed away from Serena. I was desperate to get away before Andrew started throwing things.

"Look Serena, you are my slave. Whether you like it or not." I backed up more, "And besides, you owe me time from yesterday anyways."

But I doubt she was listening to me. Her eyes pulled a way a whole sentence ago to look at the counter where a woman was approaching Andrew.

'_SHIT'_ I mentally cursed. What a bad time for Rita to show up. I watched as Andrew and Rita talked and laughed for a while seemingly oblivious of the rest of the world, including the one poor man who was desperately trying to get a few tissues from Andrew for the icecream dribbling down his arm. Rita brushed some hair away from Andrew's face and said something before he hurriedly prepared a very large sundae for her. The sundae was about a whole two inches bigger and fatter than Serena's daily ones and there was a whole lot more chocolate shining on the top than Serena ever got in five sundaes.

I tried to stop her as she stalked up to the counter and screamed an order for a sundae to Andrew who confused as he was, had to make the one for her just as big as the one for Rita.

I paced over quickly and grabbed Serena just when she was ready to devour her treat and dragged her out of the arcade. She screamed, scratched, and bit at my hand but I just kept pulling her until we were a block away.

"What the HELL do you think your DOING?!"

She snatched her arm away from mine and smacked me, "Who is that girl?! Why did Andrew make such a big sundae for her?!"

The words 'secret relationship' popped into my head and I knew not to tell her. But that wasn't what I wanted to say anyways, "Don't pay so much attention to him! You are _my_ slave and you need to do what_ I_ say!"

"It's not like I do anything for you anyways so it doesn't count!" She stated crossing her arms and staring at me triumphantly.

I mentally fumed inside, "Fine, if you don't do anything for me, you can start now. Run to the deli and get me a condom. Then meet me back at my apartment. If you don't, I'll just ring up your mom's cell phone numbers and tell her about your parties."

Serena obviously knew what I was implying, but I seriously wanted to see if she was going to go through with it or not. She contemplated her standings for a few moments before groaning and muttering something under her breath.

"What was that? Speak louder so I can hear you," I mocked, thinking it was an insult she was grumbling about.

"WHAT IS YOUR SIZE FOR THE CONDOM?!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

Caught off guard, I sputtered and clamped my hands on her mouth. She obviously did that on purpose and I could only nod humiliatingly at the passing old woman waving her cane dangerously in front of my gorgeous face.

"Fine, fine, I'll go get it myself," I've managed to calm my face down a bit, but at the mention of my little friend down there, he just got a tad too excited. I took my hands off of Serena's mouth and she grinned at me, obviously satisfied at what she did.

"What Darien? You're too embarrassed to tell me how small your stiff friend is?"

The blush I just got rid of crawled back onto my face and I pulled my shirt down.

"Fine. You want to get the condom?" I asked agitatedly.

Serena's eyes widened and she shook her head no. But it's not like I was going to let her get away with this one. But I had to punish her more. This isn't enough. I pressed some money into her hand and smiled evilly.

"And for your inapropriate behavior in public, I'll have to punish you."

Her eyes rolled, "How about that time you embarrassed me in the arcade, clutching to my leg and laughing your ass off at something that wasn't the least bit funny?"

"That didn't count. I'm master, you're slave."

She sighed, obviously giving up, "Okay, it doesn't matter anyways. Besides, your punishment, can't be as bad anyways. But just to be perfectly clear, I am NOT going to have sex with you. I'll get you the condom, and you can just jack off with it I guess. So what's the punishment? Buy a pregnancy test? Laugh like an idiot and clutch onto your leg as you drag me around? Or let my fanclub of men stare at my 'stomach muscles'?"

"Kiss me."

Serena stood, frozen to the spot, staring at me with those large eyes of hers. I knew she didn't even consider that I'd let her do something like this. And as disgusting as it sounds, she had to be punished.

"Come on meatball head, hurry up."

She frowned, "Maybe later," she grumbled, obviously hoping I'd forget about it.

I smiled to myself knowing this was one thing I'll never forget and maybe...just maybe I can get it caught on camera. I cackled evilly inside my head. So with a bit of money, my maid was sent off to get a condom while I walked back to my apartment, feeling better than I had for quite a while.

=T

OKAY! I redid this chapter...

I know none of you care right now but I'm going through some emotional turmoil right now. The person I originally wrote this story for was my boyfriend but then we broke up [I dumped him actually] and I just stopped. Not that it was much good anyways.

Well now, there's this guy I used to like and I'm crushing on him. And he puts stuff in his profile that could be saying something to me but it's just too vague to know. After all, it could be for that blondie ex of his that swims a hell lot faster than me [for some reason, his type is the fast beautiful one I just don't fit into the fast part...as a matter of fact, I don't fit either one]. I should really put this all in my xanga but there's that little voice nagging at me telling me he might see it. Owell...olympics rocked by the way. GO MICHAEL PHELPS! Swims just like the sexy beast I'll never have. L


	6. Condoms

=D

Feeling very happy right now because of the olympics and by the way that was gorgeous for Paul Hamm... The women's relay was awesome! And to top it all off, my American GOD Michael Phelps is murdering!...that sexy, sexy beast.

Thank you to the brilliant reviewer who reminded me of Diamond. I think I will put him in =] By the way, for those of you that read the version of chapter 5 where there was this heartwrenching (well, not really) fight, I redid it because I wasn't really satisfied with the outcome as well as one of my reviewers...or maybe it was two...this short term memory is really getting to me...

I know I don't have a lot of reviews right now but I was pretty happy when I checked my mail yesterday and saw the line of responses come in so here it is. Another chapter. A

Disclaimer: My inspiration and little tid bits of my plot are from my favorite manga artist Miki Aihara. Obviously, for the Sailor Moon bit, we all know who that belongs to.

**Monarchy Under a Complete Jerk**

**Chapter 6: Condoms**

Serena's POV:

I hummed to myself strolling along to the deli knowing full well that I had no intentions of staying at Darien's place. He said I had to "come over" but never said I had to go into his living quarters. And we both know that the whole floor is his so if I just get the condom delivered...

I walked comfortably down aisle after aisle looking for a condom before I remembered that they don't reside on shelves. I try to casually glance over at the counter and after three very purposeful seemingly accidental slips, I realized all the cashiers were once again, male.

"Damn you all to hell!" I whisper under my breath. Unfortunately, I didn't notice the poor bald little man next to me who apparently thought I was either insane, or speaking to him. Poor bald little man. But anyways, back to the situation at hand. My wonderful Serena intelligence once again urged me to disguise myself (which is, sadly, the only thing I can possibly come up with) and once again, in my last minute and horribly sad floppy hairstyle but with no itchy scarf to cover my face this time, I flare my nostrils as far as they would go and strut up to the counter. In as high and squeaky a voice as I could possibly manage, I asked for a condom before suddenly remembering that I didn't know what size Darien's 'friend' is. A sweatdrop later, my nostrils were getting tired so I just asked for one of each and dropped some money onto the counter. The bag was unceremoniously stuffed under my shirt and I tried not to notice the many little boys and girls asking their moms if I was pregnant with a jagged or pointy baby.

But unfortunately once again, I run into the most embarrassing situation possible as the security guard accuses me of shoplifting and insists on me showing him my receipt and package. And of all security guards in the world, this one just _had_ to be a loud mouthed one. As soon as the condoms were pulled out, he grinned a crooked grin and pulled one that was 10 ½ inches out.

"This one is my size! So little lady...are you planning to be naughty with all these different guys," he gestures at the many condoms in his hand, "or were you just waiting for me?" He winked and shoved the condoms back into the bag and placed it into my hands.

You see, I would have left him alone, had he not called over another fellow security guard to pick out _his_ size too. My blood boiled and the rage built itself higher and higher as I watched the pudgy man bounce over towards us. The first guard tried to take the bag from my hands again and I just snatched it right back.

"Look hear you big oaf," I said jabbing him in his pot belly, "I may be sixteen and I may have a bag full of condoms, but that does NOT in any way imply that I wanted to know the size of your penis! Just because you have no good career and probably cannot get LAID does not mean you can go hitting on OTHER PEOPLE's girls for the fun of it! You are nowhere NEAR as great or good looking as the person who asked me to buy these for him and will never EVER **EVER** be so I would appreciate it if you got your donut-eating behind as well as his big FAT one and turned the other way and started walking your useless butts along and LEAVE ME TO MY LIFE!!"

The two of them stared at me for a few seconds, probably trying to interpret what I had just said to them before the first one recovered, "You know what, I can get you permanently kicked out of this hear store if you don't tell me your sorry and then shut that hole there!"

"And I can get you put in jail for SEXUAL HARRASSMENT!" His eyes narrowed, "WHAT?! You want to TRY IT?!" As pissed as he was, he knew I was right, though the pudgy one probably had no idea whatsoever with that look on his face. He put his hands up as in a surrendering motion and I turned to leave the store, flicking my hair triumphantly into his face.

Serena: 1

Security guards: 0

On my way down the block, my cell phone started singing in my pocket. It was obviously Darien telling me to hurry up with his condoms. I sighed and flipped it open, not bothering to let him say anything first.

"Yea yea, hurry up I know. The security guard held me up. I'll be there with the condoms in a minute," and I snapped my phone closed muttering curses to him under my breath.

I half expected him to call back because I had hung up on him and he did. I sighed and picked up the call again to tell him off but instead heard a very familiar squealing at the other end.

I gasped, "Mina! Oh my gosh! Where are you?"

Mina, my ultimate best bestest friend went off to vacation last summer and never came back. Apparently, her flight was cancelled and the rest were booked and because she couldn't call internationally with an expired simcard, we lost all contact.

"I'm back home, finally. We were stuck in Greece for so freakin' long I thought I was going to evaporate or something! It's so hot down there and the hotel we booked had this main AC line or whatever and it broke! So no air conditioning, no open hotels, and no fresh air because some bimbo dropped something in the air vent and it apparently either rotted there or died and then rotted."

"How lucky! I would've loved to skip out on part of the school year. You have no idea how horrible it has been down here with Darien and my cousin--"

"Oh Serena! So it was _Darien_," she said teasingly. What did she know that I didn't...? And suddenly, it dawned on me. That phone call wasn't from Darien. It was from Mina and she just heard me talking about the condoms. I smacked my forehead (not too hard mind you, I didn't want to leave a mark there but you know, just enough for the action), "Oh that's just too bad Sere. I have this friend of mine and he is rather handsome and I just thought that the two of you would have made a _wonderful_ couple. You should see him...absolutely _gorgeous_."

"Look Mina. I already told you. Every time you make me go on a blind date, it never works. Must I remind you of the many times my face was mistaken for my chest or the many times I fell asleep in my dessert?"

"But Serena...his eyes are _grey_..." that caught my attention. I loved cool grey eyes, "What color is his hair?" After all, we can't have a guy with grey eyes get matched with orange or green hair.

"Silver-blue; it's really pretty," she said like she was setting pigs on display at a market.

I was contemplating now...this guy sounds really cute... "Okay Mina...I'll give it a try...but if this one doesn't work, I'm never listening to you about guys again. Kapish?"

I could just feel her beaming at the other end, "Kapish."

Later on, I rushed over to Darien's apartment, stuffed the condoms under his front door through the slit, and rushed back to my place where I sat myself in front of my computer and (drooling), looked through the pictures of the guy Mina is setting me up with. Apparently, he's a swimmer and a serious diver, got accepted to Princeton university which he is attending next year, and plays the piano very well. To top it all off, he's trilingual. Not that I cared about that part. We got the our first meeting place and time scheduled off right away for this coming weekend at the carnival. The date would've been sooner, had I not had school the next two days. Yes, vacation is over. Well, at least there's something to look forward to instead of the constant teasing/bullying/bothering/annoying-ness (it's a Serena word) from Darien.

!!!

Sorry to my handful of fans out there...I've been trying to get this chapter out but it's been olympics like all of you know =P. And being the swimmer I am, I intended only on watching the swimming/diving [now we know where that came from] part of the olympics but somehow, I got obsessed with gymnastics and decided to spend this week cheering on the U.S and Carly Patterson. Unfortunately, I am also a known procrastinator and I havn't been studying for my bio SAT II's or doing my jap project -.-;;;


	7. Diamond

Heh...hopefully the last chapter didn't bore you all too much -.-;

**For those of you that are wondering why Serena and Darien were fighting and then started talking about condoms, I redid the 5th chapter so if you read the first draft, be sure to read the second. If the 5th chapter you have read contained not a word about condoms, then it is the wrong chapter.**

-smiles awkwardly-

Well then...ONWARD!

Disclaimer: See...no point in doing this every chapter but just saying...if Darien or even Diamond was mine, I'd've been pregnant about 50 times already! No I'm not that old...still in high school...

**Monarchy Under a Complete Jerk**

**Chapter 7: Diamond**

Well, needless to say, I didn't think a blind date would go so well (especially since it was planned by Mina). My first impression of Diamond was that he is a stylish but (somehow) graceful man. And I must say, he has done Sean John shirts and Nike sneakers proud (A/N: another disclaimer there). What a difference compared to Darien and his ugly green jacket...yuck...

It wasn't one of those mushy icky dates where there were roses and teddy bears. Diamond was rather shy but incredibly sweet. After the carnival we drove (laughing rather loudly) back to his house and went for a late afternoon swim. At one point, I thought he ditched me in the pool until I was pulled under the surface by my legs. We had pizza at his house and spent about twenty minutes throwing pepperoni at each other.

And now...here I am...in Ms. H's class, daydreaming. I peeked up from behind the book I was pretending to read and cursed silently when I realized I was too late in snapping back to reality. Ms. H was already standing in front of my desk, her eyes glaring down at me from behind her glasses, ruler tapping like a metronome on my desk.

"Ms. Tsukino. Would you like to tell the class the only way to remove absolutely all of the bacteria from food to keep it from spoiling?"

I glanced down at my book and quickly flipped it around when I realized it was upside down. A can of soup was drawn in the upper right hand of the page on the right.

"Canning?"

Ms. H stared at me for another slow minute, "Well then...can you tell me two foods bacteria help make?"

I thought hard. No really I did. Even if my brain was clinking at one clink per minute, I was thinking hard. My eyes darted down to the page again, hoping for a clue. I made out a pickle and a yellow blob from the page. Well the pickle I can keep but a yellow blob...

"Pickles and...onions?" I squeaked. Well, since onions are so disgusting...I guess they have bacteria.

"Wrong, Ms. Tsukino. I'll see you after school for detention for your lack of attention in class and inability to read a book right side up," the evil lady said, turning her back to walk to the front of the class.

My head dropped to the table in that Serena-like manner. Thunk. Thunk.

Well, now I know not to have too many highs in my life. Because everything just goes downward from there. Insert annoyed sigh. Ms. Haruna seriously needs to get married and have children. In her wrinkled state, it's possible she's already 164 years old. While me? I'm sixteen years young thank you very much.

Well, after an agonizingly boring school day and a rare pass on an English essay, I trudged as slowly as possible into detention. Ms. H was already waiting for me with an old textbook in hand.

"Ms. Tsukino. Good to see you actually remembered to show up. Take out some paper and copy chapter 6 parts a thru k word by word. Then, hopefully, you will be able to tell me a little bit more about bacteria and which direction up is," a slight hint of amusement was glinting across her face and if I had to say so myself, that look was quite ugly on her.

An hour later, I was halfway through part b and was reading all about diseases bacteria cause when I saw a blown up picture on the left of a person who discovered one cure or another. A large French mustache was drawn onto his face with probably a sharpie marker. The thick unibrow and large hoop earrings didn't help making that poor man any more handsome. I caught myself before I snickered and glanced up quickly to make sure Ms. H wasn't paying attention to me.

Big mistake. As soon as I caught Ms. H's eye, she stalked over to me and snatched up the book, narrowing her eyes at the picture of the man.

"I see that you find this man your schoolmate Diamond decorated very amusing. Since that is the case--"

"Um...Ms. Haruna?" I cut in.

"Do not interrupt me when I am talking!"

"Well...it's just that...um...you're holding the book upside down."

Ms. H flushed a horrible shade of crimson and quickly dismissed me. I prayed and thanked the heavens for her little slip imagining that the gods somewhere up there could hear me from behind the massive wall of clouds. Suddenly, I ran right into somebody. Or was it something? Nope, pretty sure it's a person this time. My head snapped down from it's up position to gaze into the most wonderful pair of grey eyes ever. My mental note to apologize to the holder slipped as I noticed it was Diamond.

He laughed lightly, "Hey Serena. I was waving at you before but you obviously didn't notice me."

I felt my face go warm, "I was thanking the heavens for Ms. H's little mistake of letting me out of detention when she was going to punish me more for a french mustache and hoop earrings you drew on a scientist."

He chuckled again. What a beautiful voice.

"I was looking for you at Crown when one of your friends from class told me you had detention with Ms. H, who, by the way, it the bitchiest mess of sag and wrinkles ever."

I giggled furiously at his statement, "She was telling me how to hold a book right-side up when I was caught daydreaming and then she held the book upside-down herself."

"I hope you were daydreaming about me because I don't think anything else would be worth a detention from the devil's spawn."

He was joking but I think he was probably half serious too. Either way, I didn't answer; I would've made a fool of myself stuttering the way I do at the worst possible times.

Minutes later, we were walking to his house to enjoy the afternoon together. I was busy listing the many cakes and icecreams I like and when I hit upon something he had in his house, he would say so. Somewhere along the line, our hands touched and our fingers linked together.

-Darien's POV-

I knew who the pair were. Serena, my slave, and Diamond, an old schoolmate. As soon as I spotted them strolling down the block, I immediately decided that whatever I was doing that day wasn't important anymore. I just had to follow them. This feeling that something was horribly wrong wouldn't go away. Their hands linked. Suddenly, a deep hollow feeling came about me. I didn't bother to pester Serena with the condom packet she sent because I knew I only told her to buy them for me. It was rather amusing opening all the condoms and setting a display on my table. But I digress. As soon as this empty feeling took me over, I knew. I knew I was jealous. Not because there were feelings in me for Serena but because I owned her and she was not here to serve me. Instead, she's running along with some other guy. The condoms and what we would've done with them kept running through my mind the minute I spotted them under my door and you know...a guy can only relieve himself for so long. There was never this desperate need to have sex with a person since ever.

So is the Almighty Chiba a virgin? You bet.

sorry! I know there are those out there waiting to kill me but I havn't gotten much inspiration and I had writers block lyk 5 times during this short chapter. Plus, I'm a procrastinator and the school year has started. Swim team just doesn't make it any better does it?


	8. Caught with His Pants Down

Sorry guys…I was actually going to drop this story and then these three lone reviews came into my box like a billion years after I last updated and here I am!

A lot of you have been asking why my storyline is so close with Hot Gimmick's. I said in earlier chapters that I did borrow and I did disclaim and give credit so LEAVE ME ALONE! It's driving me nuts!

Anyways…

Disclaimer: Sorry…Darien isn't mine to control…neither is Diamond though I'd love to put him in some Sean Johns or some Ecko…

**Monarchy Under a Complete Jerk**

**Chapter 8:**

-Serena's POV-

Much to my dismay, Diamond had a small and shabby apartment. There were just two rooms or so and everything was unkempt and dirty. Cheap and unmatched furniture was covered by randomly littered clothes, books, and even food which I would've eaten had there not been fungus growing on it. But that was his living room. His bedroom, whole other story. So neat it reminded me of well…Darien's place maybe. Nice black furniture with grey walls decorated by white clouds. Depressing? Yes. But way hot.

I curled up on his queen sized bed and surveyed more of my surroundings. Damn…that was one good set of machinery. How much money had he spent on that computer anyways?

I turned my head as Diamond came into the room balancing a tray of cookies and two large tubs of ice cream on one arm while carrying some of his books in the other.

Three scoops of ice cream and a cookie later, we ran out of things to talk about. It was rather awkward just sitting there next to each other listening to each other breathe but I didn't really mind. His fingertips brushed my arms slightly and he put his arms around me. My eyes closed.

Suddenly, out of the blue, my phone started ringing. Annoyed at the person who ruined my moment, I pulled out the little machine and yanked it open.

"What," I snapped impatiently.

"Serena, where are you?"

"A friend's house," I answered automatically. This must be Darien on the other side.

"Guy or girl?"

"…Guy," I said after a slight hesitation. I dug my toe into the pale blue carpeting.

"Are you guys alone?" Darien's voice was just way too calm…

"Well…I guess…yea…" I have a feeling I'm going to be in some deep shit...

"What's his name?"

"Well…why do you want to know?" I didn't exactly want to give him Diamond's name, you know, just in case he gets jumped. No, I definitely don't want to give him Diamond's name.

"Because I do," Darien replied slightly impatient.

"We're doing something important; I'll call you back later, okay?"

"No."

"What do you mean, NO? We're doing something important!" What an annoying brat!

"Serena, you'd better be over in 10 minutes. I don't give a shit if what you guys are doing is important. Get your ass out of that guy's apartment and get over here!"

"Why should I!" I retorted.

"Why do you think GENIUS? I do remember having this conversation many times already. Because you're my _slave_ remember!"

Not that again…

I sighed dejectedly and agreed to go before hanging up. Diamond looked at me confusedly and took one of my hands.

"Do you have to go, Serena?"

"Sorry," I replied awkwardly.

"It's alright. I'll see you…tomorrow?"

"The day after…I'm going somewhere tomorrow," I said dejectedly.

Diamond patted my head and smiled, walking me to his door. I slid on my shoes slowly, not wanting to leave his abode. When the buckles were finally done, I waved one last time to him before walking out.

A few minutes later I was standing in front of Darien's apartment. I sighed and lifted my hand to knocked, knowing I'd get yelled at for being late even when we didn't set any sort of time. The door swung open before my knuckles touched the door and a strangely calm Darien stood in the doorway. He grabbed my arm and yanked me in and then shut the door and locked it. When he let go of me, I saw his nail marks in my skin.

I ignored the dull pain and crossed my arms.

"How may I be of service to you, _master_?" I've never been so sarcastic all my life.

"You can start by giving me the kiss you owe me from the other day," he stated bluntly, with no shame to soften his demand.

He walks towards me until I realize he's a few inches too close. An uncomfortable feeling takes over me. The distance or lack thereof, is not my most preferred. There's an urge to move back a step. I ignore it. Instead, I flick a piece of hair back.

"I'm tired, Darien," I said, turning and walking to the sofa.

He's silent.

I yawn and stretch my arms up into the air to make my point.

"Serena!" Darien suddenly yelled.

I paused, midstretch, caught off guard.

"Don't do that," he said sternly.

-Darien's POV-

Girls should be forbidden to stretch like that. With only that white shirt on, her bellybutton peeked out and her breasts…let's not even go there. I have a problem already. Where did I put the condoms? And why are those jeans so low cut? She was at a _guy's_ house in that! Without a second explanation, I rush into my room to find a baggier pair of pants. I can't let her know she caused my friend a big, big problem. It was pretty late, I noted. Around five or six, perhaps. It was already dark out. Best not leave the light on then. Serena wouldn't come into my room anyways. I took off my shirt and my jeans and left them on my bed and then moved to my clothing closet to rummage through for something to hide my erection. I glanced down and embarrassingly enough, it was really REALLY obvious. I mean, you'd have to be completely blind not to see the tent in my boxers. My hand caught onto something silky and I pulled it out. What's this? Just then, I nearly went blind with the light flooding into my eyes. Uh-oh.

And there I was, in the most embarrassing situation in my whole entire life. I tossed whatever was in my hand into the garbage can that was conveniently located right behind me and reached for a pair of pants on the back of my chair. Slowly now Darien, when she's turning in the opposite direction. Right leg…in. She suddenly paused and stared me straight in the eyes. Then her gaze traveled down…o shit.

"Darien…are you stealing something?" Her face was assorted in an expression of confusion.

Completely flabbergasted by the questions, I sputtered and quickly responded, "What are you talking about? Stealing from my own room?"

"Then…what is that…thing in your pants…if that's not some sort of piggy bank…what is that?"

I nearly fainted from humiliation. I seriously wasn't about to tell her what that was so I just told her, "Yea Serena, I'm stealing my own piggy bank. Do you mind not walking into my room when I'm changing next time? It's disturbing."

She flushed an incredible pink and backed out without a second word.

Aggravated, I kicked off my pants and sat down in my chair. Well, I guess it's time to get a certain friend reacquainted with Mr. Hand.

Personally, I think this chapter stunk. I had writer's block for so long that it was painful for me to sit down and come up with it all. Maybe, hopefully, in the near future, I'll suddenly get a brilliant idea that will make this a bit better. But for now, I think I'm about to DIE under my mountain of homework.

I get so much work from my teachers that my dog doesn't even have time to chew on all of it.

I'm getting tired of this…


	9. Awkward

Wow…not the reaction I expected from the last chapter…and yes…I am a bit stuck. Well, on the bright side, I finally hit review number 100! Thank you for all of your kind words and constructive criticism…well…if you gave any that is.

Disclaimer: I completely lack the ability to come up with beautiful characters so obviously, Darien and Diamond don't belong to me. Well, there is Serena and the rest of everybody else but…yea…owell Also, major, major disclaimer for the bits and bobs I borrowed from Miki Aihara's Hot Gimmick (which is the best romance/comedy manga in the world).

By the way…I recently found out that somebody was auctioning off Napoleon's testicles in Europe…don't get too excited, I think somebody already bought it.

**Monarchy under a Complete Jerk**

**Chapter 9: Awkward**

Serena's POV-

I was completely dumbfounded. A genius of a man would steal is own piggy bank and the hide it in his boxers? After accidentally seeing Darien in his boxers and getting told off, I backed out of his room and tripped over myself twice getting to the sofa in the living room. Aren't piggy banks usually round? His piggy bank was this oblong shape…and how in the world did he keep it standing horizontally in his boxers like that? Tape? Glue? And what the heck was it attached to? Something pale green caught my eye. I pulled it out from under a few magazines and nearly got a heat stroke blushing when I realized it was a condom. Hey, it's pretty big too.

The magazines I just pushed aside slid off the table. I reached down to pick it up and started at the magazine at the very top—playboy. Just then, a crash followed by a second crash came from Darien's bedroom door. I got up and then sat back down again. I shouldn't go back in there. What if he's not done changing? But then again…what if he hit his head or hurt himself? Well…that would be better for me wouldn't it? But what if he was seriously injured? Despite the little voice in my head screaming for me to just walk away, I sprinted back down the hallway to Darien's room and threw the door open.

Darien's POV-

And there I was, in the most embarrassing situation of my entire life. Forget Serena walking in on me while I was standing around in boxers. I wish I would die right now. If it hadn't been for my stupid rolling office chair I wouldn't have crashed into the bookshelf, fallen off the chair, have the books all fall onto my head, and then have cum all over the newest addition to my collection of novels. And to top it all off, Serena was standing at my door, staring at me with her mouth wide open and eyes nearly popping out of their sockets. It must be weird for her to see me sit on the floor butt naked in front of my chair, one hand on my crotch, with romance novels, physics textbooks, and a whole entire collection of Funk and Wagner's Encyclopedia spread out around me. And it would've been stranger for her to see the glossy white stuff slowly dripping off my fingers and the corner of Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code. What would've been even scarier for her is to see the picture of her in my hand. Thank god she didn't see that picture. I dropped it during my fall and I think it's underneath one of my well conditioned books (hopefully not bent). But what would've been even worse would be for her to discover that I enjoy reading porn magazines. Not the cheap ones that you can buy off some guy for a buck in the subway. I read the ones that—is that my magazine in her hand? Oh, my poor abused soul…have mercy.

She walked over and I scurried to find a piece of clothing or anything littered on the ground somewhere to preserve some form of modesty. My search got desperate when she was about 5 feet away and I ended up settling for a sock. I slid it on and almost laughed at how ridiculous it made me look. Why did she keep glancing down? Every two seconds her eyes travel down and then come back up. She wasn't even blushing!

"Uh…Darien…" she started unsurely.

"Y-yea?"

Oh, why did I have to stutter?

"Here," she thrust out the magazine at me. The woman on the cover in nothing but leather straps smiled seductively back at me and I nearly puked. Serena averted her eyes and chose instead to look to her right since looking down would've been pretty awkward too. I snatched the magazine out of her hand and threw it into the garbage can. I wanted to say something, anything but I just couldn't. Serena backed out of my room.

"Um…I'm going to just…go home…bye Darien."

I stood there lamely, with the sock still partially on, feeling quite stupid. I heard a door slam in the other room and I sunk into my chair. My cheeks burned.

After that day, I didn't see Serena for a week. I purposely avoided her and when I wasn't spending my day moping in Crown Arcade, I was at home trying to figure out some way to make it all better. It's not the first time a girl has walked in on me completely naked but this time just devastated me. It wasn't that I was afraid of standing in front of a girl in all my glory. It's just, why did it have to be her?

I chose to mope at the Crown today, and I just sat there staring at my coffee. I didn't want to drink it but it was there anyways, just because Andrew offered. My hand grabbed a packet of sugar next to me and dumped it in. After a few seconds of watching the whiteness swirl around at the top, I reached for a second packet and put that in too. Then, I grabbed the ketchup and squeezed it in until the coffee was in danger of overflowing. Boy that felt good.

"Hey, what's up Darien?"

I looked up and forced a smile at Andrew.

"Not much—"

"Serena, right?" Andrew said trying hard not to laugh.

"Huh?" Why are we talking about Serena?

"Something happen? I heard about your whole Serena walking in on you naked thing. She told me herself," Andrew chuckled, "And you used a sock! You couldn't use your pillow or something?"

I wanted to drop my head onto the table or something but as soon as I started to lower my head, I realized my sweet ketchupped coffee was still there. I tilted my head to the right and brought it back up. Whoa, nice save there.

"Hey Darien, turn around very, very slowly," and before I could ask, Andrew ran away.

I swiveled around in my chair without a second thought, and there was Serena, halfway in the Crown arcade door. As soon as she saw me, she turned around and left again. I could've chased her down the street. Or I could've at least yelled at her to come back, but I didn't. So instead, I just stayed in my chair and stared at the door for the next five minutes. I would've stared longer but some brunette chick came over and started hitting on me. And boy, she had some massive twins. She offered to take me to a bar.

"Maybe," I said, "Pull down your shirt."

She did and her breasts popped out at me. I wasn't the least bit turned on. Instead of answering, I just smiled at her and walked out the door, leaving her with her shirt at her stomach. I'm so mean. Without meaning to, I smiled. If only Serena would do that to me. Startled by my strange thought, I ran my hand through my hair. I must be coming down with something.

That night I went to Gee Whiz for dinner. I wasn't exactly eating with anybody in particular, I just decided that after all of the agony and the torture Serena has put me through, it was time for a reward for myself. The waitress led me to a corner booth with dim lighting and handed me a menu before she left. After ordering some appetizers and a main course, a familiar laughter fills my ears. No—it couldn't be.

Just when I thought I was finally rid of her, here she comes, accompanied by Diamond. The same waitress showed them to a table next to mine and I held up my menu in an attempt to hide from them. Did she tell Diamond too?

"Hey, is that Darien?" That must've been Diamond. Was his voice full of mocking or did I just imagine that?

Frustrated, I ignored them.

There was a hushed whispering between the couple. I buried my head further into the menu. A few moments later, Serena calls a waitress over and told her something. The waitress responds with an ecstatic "Sure!" and before I knew it, Darien and Serena slid into my booth opposite me. I dropped my menu and cleared my throat.

"Hey, what's up man?" Diamond greeted me.

I smiled tightly back and nodded.

And that was about all he said to me through the whole meal. The two sitting across from me chatted happily and fed each other occasionally, and me, being the loner, sat and ate in silence. I kept my eyes glued to my chicken tenders until I got thirsty and looked up to grab my drink. Right at the same moment, Diamond leaned over to Serena and kissed her. She was just about to stuff a forkful of salad into her mouth and it fell all over the table. I grabbed my drink and slammed it onto the table, making the soda spray all over the couple and down my hand. They broke apart and stared at me. Or, at least Diamond stared. Serena just blushed and looked down at the tablecloth and started picking up the pieces of lettuce she dropped and placing them on a napkin.

"What's your problem man? You want a kiss too?" Diamond was agitated. But so was I, and honestly, I think I'm way more important.

"Look. If you guys are going to make out, don't do it in front of me. I'd like to keep my dinner _down_, thank you very much. And why the hell did you guys _have to_ sit with me! You couldn't sit at that table by yourselves!"

Serena's face grew a few shades pinker. Why wasn't she yelling back?

"I'm going home," I said standing up abruptly and walking out.

This was seriously not my week.

I sprinted all the way back to my warm, comfortable apartment and once inside, collapsed on the sofa. There was a painful constricting feeling in my chest but I dismissed it reasoning that it was only because of my lack of air. A soft knock sounded on my door. Groaning, I dragged myself up and swung it open after much tripping in the dark. To my surprise, Serena stood there, looking at her feet.

"Um, hi Darien. You sorta left your jacket on your seat and yea…here," she said, thrusting my jacket into my hands. I took it from her delicately and saw her blush.

"Where's Diamond?" I asked spitting his name out.

"He went home," she stated quietly.

"Oh."

I knew I sounded utterly retarded but I really couldn't come up with anything better to say. The awkward silence dragged out, and I watched Serena pick at the hem of her shirt. I wanted to do something, anything. Anything was better than standing here staring at her. Without a second thought, my hand reached up and brushed some stray hair from her face. She quickly pushed me away but I grabbed her arm and pulled her into my apartment. The door closed behind her and I realized she was trapped.

Serena's POV-

I panicked in the sudden darkness and thrust out a hand to look for Darien. I brushed against something warm and pressed my palm to it.

"Darien? Is that you?"

I heard a chuckle.

"Turn on the lights you idiot! I can't see!"

"Serena, you know your hand is on my crotch right?"

* * *

I'm totally stuck again…I know I take a long time to update and I really shouldn't blame my homework for anything but I will. And I'll blame my internet connection. My teacher made me download Netlogo for my comp-sci class and it just destroyed my computer…sobs 


End file.
